My Saturday was better than your Saturday

I don’t know about you, but I had the most awesome Saturday (last week) ever.

First, I woke up at 6am because my boyfriend was snoring. Wait, it gets better.

Then, I went to ALPACAPALOOZA!!!! What’s this, you ask? It’s only the most awesome festival ever. No, The Cure or Daft Punk weren’t there, but a shit ton of the cutest alpacas you’ll ever see were. I spent way too much money of the softest, brownest alpaca yarn and took so many pictures of these llama/sheep dog/freaky animals to last me awhile on my screensaver.



After that, I went to Phuket for some coconut milk soup that was oh so delicious. And the fact that I get to tell my friends to meet me at Phuket always deserves a chuckle or two.

And then, if petting alpacas for hours wasn’t exciting enough the boyfriend took me to probably the only place worth going to in Bellevue. That’s right, Skate King.

I haven’t been roller skating since I was 17 and man, oh man, things haven’t changed in 10 (okay, 12) years. Every rink is exactly the same. And the Skate King is awesome just for that very sameness.



We walk in and are immediately blasted with the smell of burnt popcorn and moldy carpet. There’s a hint of vomit in the air, because two birthday parties are wrapping up and there’s just way too many cupcakes left. Obviously they didn’t go to Trophy.

The skate handler is about 65 and gets a kick out of telling me corny jokes. The one that killed me was when he said, “I know when you were born.” And I say, “Oh yeah, when?” And he’s all, “On your birthday.” Oh, silly old man, give me my skates so I can hold hands with my boyfriend while we skate to Michael Jackson songs already, will ya.

And that’s exactly what we did for the next two hours. I’m probably the slowest skater in the world, but at least I didn’t hold on to the rails like some of those 7 year old losers.

But while I wasn’t by any means a skating master, I regained my pride by being the claw machine king (er, queen?) of the world. That’s right, I won me a motherfucking Donkey Kong stuffed animal. And it only cost the boyfriend $1.50 (3 tries). Usually I give that shit away to the kids, but the boyfriend was so amazed by my claw kicking ass ability I gave it to him instead.

A few pin ball and air hockey games later, we were pooped. It was 10pm and we were taking off our skates when ooh, is that Boyz 2 Men song I hear? But it was too late, skates were off and the skate handler told his last joke for the evening. Something about will you take my wife.

Please.