Other crap that's on my mind.

A website about things you probably don't care about, but I do so shove it.

Monday, March 07, 2005

He loves me not.

Wah wah. So, found out today that the ex is seeing someone new. He beat me to it, damn it. And of course I got mad, sad, the feeling of vomitting at the studio and wanting to smoke a whole entire carton of Marbolo Ultra Lights.

He tells me over the internet (loser, grow some fucking balls), and then I find out he met said skank (sorry so bitter, but i'm still in an emotional state, so skank it is) through the onion personals. To that, I became furious and ended up writing this:

an online girlfriend! what a fucking loser, you are! maybe you two can be one of those couples promoting
match.com or some shit. go fuck yourself.

I really need to hire some type of crew that keeps an eye on me when I become emotionally unstable, because when I go crazy and write things like this, I just end up feeling like nothing was accomplished. Except for the fact that I just showed the roommate this and we both laughed our asses off. So, maybe it was a good thing.

Either way, crazy Barrie comes out once in a blue moon, and when she does, stand back, hide the guns and take cover. It gets ugly. Damn you dad for giving me the crazy gene. Damn me for getting so worked up over a relationship that's been over for 7 months. Ugh. Good news is I got an extension on a print assignment, so at least I have something to be mildly happy about. Slitting wrists might not be in order after all.

I need to take out my frustration somewhere. Maybe I'll become an alcoholic! Fucking asshole wasting 3 years of my life, when it should have been over at year 1! Fucking me for believing he'd change and come around and want to marry me because why else would someone stick around for 3 years? Everyone always said how nice he was, and what a great person he was, but really he was a fucking wimp who didn't have the cojones (sp?) to tell me the fucking truth, so instead I ended up moving in with him and wasted more time dealing with his shit. And to think he still has some of my dead grandma's towels. I bet you right now him and his new cyber-girlfriend are wiping their asses on my dead grandma's towels, just laughing about how great they are. I'm way too stupid. Ugh ugh ugh. When is life going to get any better, because so far it's been this downward mudslide towards the crappiest of holes.


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