This is not a good thing.

He looks just like me?
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

I look like Jerry from The Bachelorette! Okay, not really. But I'm a girl, you see. And a few years ago I chopped off my hair because I was sick and tired of always putting it in a ponytail to hide the wavy, nasty frizzy hair my dad passed down to me. For awhile, when I was getting accustomed to the whole short hair thing, I used to keep it to the side, with a pin holding it down. Now, I've done the trendy shit and put what hair I do have in the middle but puffed up a bit. But now I think I might look like a boy. It doesn't help that I wear glasses, no makeup, lost all my boobs from working out and like video games (holy shit- am I gay?- no, I'm in love with too many married guys to be gay- ooh, and smith jared! mmm..smith jared.).

okay, where was I? right, the bachelorette. i totally forgot about it. maybe because i was drinking the night away. so when i found out nicole and maya taped it, i was all excited again. then, nicole tells me the bad news. the vcr ate the tape! nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! now, i will never know what happened because i don't have tivo, even though mark keeps saying we should get it, and he's probably right, but i just can't spend another 10 dollars on tv right now (i know, shocker). i figure though, every bachelor/bachelorette i either miss the romantic getaway or the visiting the parents, so really i should have expected this.

speaking of bachelors. my friend got all nervous to tell me that her friend bumped into nik. when i wasn't shocked by the news, she was all like, what? you're not shocked that someone saw him at publix (ooh, publix subs! i miss you so!). and to that, i had to say no. why should i be? am i suppose to cry every time someone mentions his name? i just can't do that to myself anymore. i'm sorry if she does about her ex after 5 years, but i can't waste my time and energy. if he wanted me, we'd be together. and it's just as easy as that. but he doesn't, so i've moved on. but then this was how the rest of the conversation went:

friend: "She said he lost a lot of weight, and looked great."

me: "Yeah, he's been working out a lot lately."

friend: "Why didn't he look like that when he was with you?"

me in my head: "gasp- i can't believe you just said that to me!"

me for real: "because he doesn't have any friends in atlanta. because he has no tv. because he's bored, so he started working out like a mad man."

me in my head: "he did look that good during the first year of our relationship. then we both got lazy, he gained 30 pounds. i gained 10."

friend in her head: "he probably was trying to get rid of you by gaining all that weight, so you'd find him undesirable. or he's shacking up with someone else."

me in my head: "true. but who asks a question like that. i'm totally offended."

friend in her head: "sorry, let's not fight. i shouldn't have said that to you. you've been supportive about me and my ex for years now, and the least i could do is not ask off-color questions like that ever again because i know it will just make you sad."

me for real: "okay, i gotta go. bye."



fuck- so much work to do and it's almost 11.

peace.