Other crap that's on my mind.

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Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Revisions on the Perfect Guy.

Version 2.0
Originally uploaded by barliss2.
Okay, this will probably be a very picky list, but it needs to be revised. Because if one more friend asks me, "So, any boys yet?" I could just refer them to this. And as I told one of my friends today, "They are either cute, and snobby. Or they're ugly and hunt. It's a lose lose situation."

Hence, the requirements to be my perfect guy that I don't think exists:

1. You say thank you and please.
2. You can keep a conversation going. Basically you talk more than I do, so I don't have to all the time.
3. You ask me questions about me.
4. You make me laugh at least once a day.
5. We can be silly together.
6. We feel comfortable enough to fart and pick our noses in front of each other. We probably even make a game out of it.
7. You don't take yourself seriously.
8. At a party, people gravitate toward you. Thus, I don't have to say much if I don't feel like it.
10. And witty.
11. But not so smart, that you make me feel like a dumbass for not being as smart as you.
12. You're into most of the things I'm into.
13. And you're also into your own shit. Stuff that I don't have to be apart of if I don't want to be.
14. You're not too cuddly. I might be the only girl, who doesn't need to cuddle for hours on end. After awhile, I'd like my space damn it.
15. You really can make up your own mind. If I give you choices and ask you what you want to do, I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR YOU SAY, "Whatever you want." If I wanted to do whatever I wanted we'd be doing it imperfect guy. I'm asking you because I want your opinion.
16. Don't ask me what I'm thinking about. Again, I'm not your normal girl. I'm not always thinking about you. Sometimes I'm thinking about smoothies, Big Brother 6 or how excited I am about going to see Bloc Party (I am. I'm really excited!)
17. Your friends are just as cool as you are. And we get along fabulously.
18. You don't go to church/temple or anything too often. And you don't wear a cross. And if you have a mazuzuh, and you don't kiss it, then you're just trying to be trendy and that's almost equally annoying. And if you do have one, and really kiss it everyday before entering your house, then sorry you're probably too religious and most likely keep kosher. And I like me some pig!
19. YOU ARE OVER 5'10!!!!!
21. You don't need to be around me all the damn time. This is my dance space. This is your dance space. Gotcha!
22. Your family can't be too normal. There should be one crazy in the bunch. Otherwise, our in-laws might not get along too well.
23. My one girly requirement! At least one time, when I come off a plane, you surprise me with flowers. I don't know why, but I've always liked this. I know it's probably a bit shocking, but it's true. I'm a sucker for daisies.
24. You can tolerate all my shit.
25. If we fight, we immediately make up.
26. You like taking mini vacations. Even if it's just a drive for the day, you're ready!
27. You don't hunt.
28. You're not bald.
29. You don't have long hair.
30. You don't collect anything. Because you realize it's completely pointless and will never, ever amount to anything. Unless, you plan on selling your collection on ebay. Then, I'm game for the hunt for all those garbage pail kids.
31. You don't have to have kids. And you realize that if we have kids, I might not be so motherly because I'm starting to think that kids scare me a little. (sorry mom- I think that gene skipped a generation)
32. That one day that I want to go dancing, you'll come with and look just as stupid as I do and thus, we'll have fun. Because really, whatever I do I always try to have fun. (this is true. what's the point otherwise)
33. I don't have to go to any sporting games with you. I've realized finding a guy who doesn't like sports is almost nearly impossible (ESPECIALLY IN MICHIGAN!). So, I've extended this rule so that I only have to watch it on tv and that the only thing I'll watch is basketball. Sorry, everything else sucks. Even UF football.
34. You shouldn't wear your collar up.
35. Or put too much gel in your hair.
36. Or own too many striped shirts.
37. Actually, no striped shirts please.
38. And if you think the only water bottle out there to own is a Nalgene, then you're just a poser.
39. You're a hippie at heart, but not so much that you don't wash your feet/hair.
40. You don't smoke cigarettes, or you're at least trying to quit. Because if you smoke, I'll smoke. We'll smell. And all hell will break loose!
41. You don't lie or cheat. I rather you just break up with me. Spare me the heartache please.
42. You'll play games with me. Especially backgammon and gin.
43. You love to camp and hike.
44. And if I talked about you on this blog you'd be happy.
45. And I'd meet you the normal way.
46. And we'd be friends first.
47. And then realize, wow, we make it as friends, why not just do this all ready.
48. And you don't want a big wedding.
49. In fact, you just want to elope.
50. And you want to live happy and healthy with me.

The end. Where are you damn it!


Anonymous your ex-roomie said...

why didn't i marry you when i had the chance?????

12:04 AM  
Blogger Barrie said...

haha. because i'm crazy! and apparently so are you (how long have you been dating your girlfriend that you're moving in with- 3 weeks? hehe).

51. You have calluses.

6:36 AM  
Anonymous luke said...

Nice post Barrie. For some reason I was thinking about that corrections post of yours below and was going to throw a comment in there. This post is better.

8:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

51. You are blind.
52. You are deaf.
53. You can't read. Cause I sure as hell can't spell.

10:48 AM  
Anonymous Eve said...

Funny! Good to know there are not as many "normal" girls out there as we're led to believe! Am stereotypically girly in some ways but not at all in others. Does anyone actually have any girl mates who ARE what a "normal" girl is supposed to be? Fuck that!!!

7:42 AM  

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