Other crap that's on my mind.

A website about things you probably don't care about, but I do so shove it.

Monday, January 23, 2006

I'm procrastinating therefore I am.

Things I notice at the YMCA:

1. I feel sorta funny getting all sweaty when there are Jesus pictures on the walls.

2. There's an overweight guy there, who is trying his hardest to get into shape. But he uses all the machines wrong, and with too much gusto. He's the type who's always slamming the barbells down and making lots of grunting noises. And I'm almost certain he doesn't wear underwear. In fact, yes, he doesn't, because one time when he was using a machine he bent forward and it was a classic plumbers butt crack moment. Hide the kids. Cover thy eyes.

3. Orgasm guy hasn't been around for a few months. This makes me just a little sad.

4. I have a secret gym crush on this guy, who I can't determine if he's married or not, but he's always reading a newspaper and stretching a lot. And I doubt he's ever seen me. As there are much prettier girls at the gym. And they are always wearing tight things. And me, I just get all sweaty and read. I will most likely never say a single word to secret gym crush guy. Thus goes life.

5. I think I actually hate all the people that work at the YMCA. They bother me with every last being. They talk too loud and wear tacky shirts and really just take up space.

6. Is it necessary to talk to a person in a sauna if it's just the two of you, when the limit should actually just be one at a time because the sauna is way too small and claustrophobic?

7. Cleaning the equipment after use is completely pointless, when the towel they give you is soaked in what you hope is some type of cleaning solution, but for all you know it could be and most likely is sweat.

8. 90% of the time all the TVs are programmed to the same channel. It's either ESPN or CNN. People, let's not think so highly of ourselves? You know you want to watch Wheel of Fortune or Friends like the rest of us.

9. For some reason you can't just get a free towel. You have to sign your name and then ask for one. They only do this because awhile ago some old people were stealing the free towels. And I'm only assuming it was old people, because aren't old people always stealing things? Anyway, once you're done with the free towel you're supposed to throw it in this big gross bin of other sweaty towels and sign your name out. Except you have to bypass a group of people that are usually blocking the sheets, go through about 20 sheets of paper, remember where you signed your name and finally cross it off. I did this for awhile, when I realized that I doubt these people are actually going through these sheets everyday to track who's taking towels. So now I don't do anything. I refuse their stupid towel process and just demand my towel and pretend to sign things. It eliminates the little frustrations I have to endure in life.

10. The Y just purchased a bunch of new elliptical machines. And everyday for the last two weeks, I've heard someone say, "Hey, this is new." No shit. See the red bow on the front? See how it's not covered in sweat? See how it shines with newness? You're a fucking genius, now shut up so I can read my book in peace you jackass.

P.S. I'm not really this mean when I work out.


Blogger song said...

Its scary how I just read all that and I'm still inspired to go to the gym. a gym, I guess, seeing as I don't really have THE gym. And not because I feel the need to get fit or healthy or lose weight (heaven forbid, I'd probably die), but just because I have a really good book and I want somewhere to read it.

11:05 PM  

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