The Gym in LA

It's really gonna sound like I hate this city. It's not horrible. But I have to gripe because it's just not Seattle. Otherwise known as the greatest place on Earth.

Thus, Reasons why I hate Gold's Gym in Venice.

1) Probably the most intimidating place I've ever been to.

2) I'm the fattest one there. I'm the palest one there. I'm the ugliest one there.

It's kinda crazy. Everyone there, including the women, are supermodel freaks. They all have muscles meant to be seen in competitions. The men and women who aren't wearing Ipods are clearly looking to flirt around the gym. And there's not a gay guy in sight.

3) Plus, no one is very friendly.

I already had an annoying conversation with an employee about the legalities of how often I was allowed to come for free, because I'm already a Gold's Gym member. He talked to me like he could give a shit. Probably because I'm not a supermodel, tanned, freakozoid. He says, "You only get 14 visits. After that, it's $10 a day." To which I was like, "Uhh. I only pay $20 a month at my Gold's Gym. And my place never mentioned anything about this 14 day rule when I asked for the Travel Pass" He's all like, "Sorry, not my problem." And ever since, I've just avoided him and his stupid sign in sheet.

I try to be as friendly as possible to people like this. But these people are never satisfied. They're always dicks. But sometimes to get what you want you just have to play dumb and "forget" to sign in. "Forget" that you had that conversation. "Forget" that he's a total douche.

4) And then today was the breaking point.

A guy next to me totally farted the smelliest fart ever. I couldn't escape. I was on this killer machine that I love! So I just held my breath and hoped the stink would go away.

5) My last gripe is the crowd. I've never seen a gym so packed at 6am. You have to fight for machines and weights. I'm constantly scanning for open spots. This is why people don't go in the afternoons. It's why I don't go in the afternoons, because it's annoying and wastes time and disrupts your ritual.

Seattle's Gold Gym is clearly the winner here. It's just me and 5 gay guys every morning. The employees are always super friendly and say hi/goodbye and they even credited my account once when the Gym didn't open twice in one week. You don't have to fight people for a machine in order to work out. And you actually have a good time reading your book on the elliptical machine.

So for those who are keeping score:

Seattle 2 Los Angeles 0