Stuck.

I don't know what to do with you little blog. I think I've used you up for a long time saying sweet nothings in your ear for many years now. From a time when blogging was before Facebooking or Twittering, I adored that I could vent or rehash or just mumble on here for no one (or my mom) to read. It's been fun.

But now I think I want to try something new. This is not a resolution. I don't make resolutions. I make lists of shit to do. I have lots of those. Plenty of sticky notes on my computer reminding me of the gagillion places I want to travel to, eat at, knitting projects I want to get to, and life long dreams I want to accomplish.

So now what? I've thought of a few things. I thought, maybe I'll really truly write that book I've tried writing about 20 times already. Maybe it won't be about my crazy family. Maybe it'll be about my upcoming farming adventures or all the ways you too can save money. Then I thought about doing a more visual blog. On one of our worst vacations, I made it a point to carry a pictorial diary with me. Every day I drew what happened instead of writing it down. I suck at drawing, but for some reason I loved the way they came out. Do I do drawings of an every day freelancer? Would I actually do this? Draw and scan every day? If only I could draw effortlessly on the computer then this would be a no brainer.

And then I thought about abandoning you altogether. We've had some good times, but I started becoming tired of it all. And frankly, I didn't feel like I had much to say that anyone would care about.

So what do I do? Why can't you answer me, blog? Why?!

In a world where you're all alone and you get sick.

When you're boyfriend flies back to his home and suddenly out of nowhere you start vomiting for 4 hours straight and you have a temperature of 101.5 and your back hurts and you can't even speak on the phone and getting up to get some water takes all of your energy, you realize how much it sucks to be sick and alone.

In a world where I was sick just yesterday, I'd have my boyfriend go on Ravelry for me and tell me what all my friends are up to. I'd have him get me water and make the strawberry jam I was hoping to make yesterday. I would have him scan all my important documents for the fire safe box I just bought and pack for Buffalo and Puerto Rico. I would have him take out the garbage (which I did in my pjs, without glasses and my hair a mess) and had him make me toast. I would have had him connect Netflix to our TV upstairs so I wouldn't have to use my computer that goes dim every 5 minutes. I would have had him make me a bath that never gets cold and then carry me to said warm bath. I would have had him get my wallet, phone, ipod and other various things that were all downstairs when I wanted them to be upstairs with me in the bed. I would've liked my hair combed, my back rubbed and my teeth brushed. In this world where I was alone while I was sick, I carried on just fine but it would've been a heck of a lot easier if he was here.

Let the wishlists begin...

It's that time of year again, where everyone thinks I want a knitting book and just grabs one nillie willie without realizing that it's totally worthless on me. Okay, not totally worthless - I appreciate the sentiment, but don't waste your money yo. That's what wishlists are for. They eliminate wasting money and guessing. Sure, sometimes a surprise is nice. Gift cards are okay, but also totally feel like you just didn't think too much. It's really a lose-lose for you. And with that said, I present to you the things I want in life, for the holidays, my birthday or just any old day.

-If you know me, you know I like natural stuff when it comes to medicine. Therefore I present you with the Medicine Maker's Herb Share. That's the expensive version that I really want, but the Gardener's Share is just as great, I just don't know how long I'll be living at this house to make it worth my while.

-Oh man, how I want to make yogurt every day all the time, day and night. Here's the maker and here's the starter. Both are not even totally necessary, but just make things a little easier in this homemakers life.

-So, awhile back I had a yoga DVD on my wishlist and I stupidly didn't try it out at the library and just went with its 5-star amazon reviews. Big mistake. Dominic's sister got me this present and it turned out to be a dud. I always felt bad about that. Luckily, I did my research this time and came to the conclusion that Shiva Rea is the bomb, and when I want to be yelled at I refer to Jillian Michaels.

-Clothes are so hard because of sizes and the internet, I'll never know if I will actually like what you send. But it's worth a shot, right? I've been eyeing these moccassins (dominic has too), this top or this top I've been trying to get for years or you can just call it a day and get me a giftcard at my favorite little boutique in Ballard.

-Okay, so I was never really into jewelry until recently. I try to wear one little trinket I own every day and I actually feel a little prettier for doing so. This little pin is delightful and this eyeglass holder is just precious. I'd happily include both into my small collection.

-And if you want me to read/knit/color/clean the world, there's Kiplinger's magazine, A Stitch in Time, this coloring book and this diy home cleaning guide.

But that's not all! You can find every other useless, but will make me happy, item on my Amazon wishlist - including everything I've just listed here. You can even sort my list from high to low priority. I spent all day yesterday going through the SEVEN PAGES and decided what was worth being labeled "highest" making your holiday/birthday gift-giving that much easier.

Hooray for gifts. I love you all.

COFFEE!!!

I do this a few times a year - torture myself by forgetting how much coffee makes me totally nuts. Case in point: Last night I hung out with some girlfriends. You know, the typical Friday night of hot tubbing and body painting and talking about anal sex. So when I had to wake up early this morning and walk to work for an upcoming client showdown, I felt like coffee would prepare me for the rainy Saturday in the office. I had a small cup about 2 months ago and felt okay, so I didn't think anything of it. But now, even hours after drinking a medium (or is that a grande) I'm all sorts of twitchy. My mind is on a racetrack that won't seem to stop. My hands are not in control. I want to do jumping jacks and write poetry at the same time.

I imagine this is what people on coke feel like, although snorting coffee beans might not be as much fun.

In a world where houses are easy to buy and sell.

So this magical place would be the most amazing land of lands. It would have grass you'd never have to mow. It would have houses that weren't too big, and never too small. It would have hardwood floors throughout and a washer and dryer, of course. It would be in an area that's walkable to the grocery store, the library and the coffee shop, just in case you ever actually wanted coffee from a coffee shop. It would have 3 rooms with 3 closets and 3 doors. It would be on a safe street right in the middle of a good neighborhood, and yet not on the one side that all the traffic is on. It would be smoke-free, stain-free and mold-free. It would not have neighbors above or below. And it certainly wouldn't smell weird. It would have a kitchen that has a gas stove and it would be big enough to have people gather around. It would be the kind of place friends would want to come to, people would want to rent later on and even more people would want to house swap when you and your boyfriend have the urge to move to Paris for a year. It would be absolutely lovely, with crown molding and fixtures that were old but not old in the kind of way that would need plumbing repair in a few years. This place, oh how wonderful you would be, if you were easy to get. If you didn't have to find your credit score and get pre-approvals and other stupid shit that seems so silly and weird and confusing. If you didn't have to look on websites endlessly, take trips constantly and put so much effort into it all. God, you'd be so marvelous if you were all of these things.

And I'm off....

I only have a second, because in a little bit Dominic is taking me out to do a little dancing. I had a great half day of work, spending the other half in the sun at Gas Works, napping, reading, laughing, eating, knitting and watching Friday Night Lights. But here's what I really wanted to tell you.

This morning, like most mornings, I was walking to the gym when I looked down and saw a dribble of toothpaste on my black workout pants. This happens to me almost every day, and my head immediately goes to jizz. Yep, jizz. Why? Because when the toothpaste is all dried up, it look just like whatever was on Monica's blue dress. So the entire time I'm at the gym, doing pull ups or running 5 miles on a treadmill - I'm also spending half the time spitting on my pants, trying to get that damn spunk off me.

Maybe tomorrow morning I'll start brushing my teeth a little more carefully.

Boohoo, no blog for you.

Summer goes by like that sometimes. Even when the weather is crappy and then suddenly it's amazing and then it's back to be crappy, I suddenly and quite successfully kept myself pretty occupied.

-I spent my weekends at a "summer home" on the other side of town in a nice home with a piano and one of my favorite parks right in my backyard.
-I camped with girlfriends and floated on a river in perfectly hot weather.
-I took a hellish road trip with Dominic, and while some parts were actually fun - I doubt we'll take another vacation like that one in quite some time. Or at the very least, check the weather report before we even bother getting in the car.
-I went to Whistler with another couple and Dominic. We had a pretty awesome time climbing through trees and watching mountain bikers do crazy stunts. I also got trashed during lunch off of 2 glasses of wine.
-I destroyed my garden by forgetting to water it.
-I almost moved.
-I started looking for a condo.
-I booked my first Christmas with Dominic's family in freezing cold Buffalo.
-I decided to get rid of a lot of stuff that was just starting to pile up and become junk.
-I gave to Kiva.org (today, actually) and feel pretty darn good about it.
-I ran lots, hiked not enough and only biked a few times.
-I canned blueberries for the first time!
-I went to the smallest music festival ever in Anacortes and had a real relaxing time with Dominic.
-I convinced friends and Dominic to come with me and get midnight massages in the International District.
-I almost shit myself in the middle of a park.
-I used a trainer for the first time and it wasn't as boring as I thought it would be. In fact, I still use his program every day and feel totally different.
-I bet on horsies!
-I had a neighborhood bbq, some impromtu bbqs and one at a friend's house where we basically forced them to have a bbq.
-And I started sleeping in till SEVEN AM, instead of 5.

Summer's weather might've been hohum, but summer itself was pretty rad. Here's hoping Fall will be just as nice.