Thinking out loud...

Every time Dominic and I even consider talking about walking down some stupid aisle (but replace that aisle with a trail somewhere out in Moab) BAM - someone we know gets a divorce, and we're right back where we started.

Yes, we love each other.
Yes, we already live together, deal with money, argue about stupid things like farting, cook for one another and offer our hand to hold at the doctor's office when one of us gets sick.
Yes, we started talking about having babies in the future. YES MOM, WE DO TALK ABOUT THAT BUT WE'RE SCARED AND BABIES COST A LOT AND WE STILL WANT TO GO TO EGYPT AND FRANCE AND COSTA RICA!!! AND WE ALSO LIKE TO SLEEP! AND I LIKE MY BOOBS AND MY ABS ARE PRETTY AWESOME RIGHT NOW!
Yes, we want to be together forever.
And yes, we pinkie promised this in a shower one time.

But god, does anything ever last? Maybe that's not a great way to think about things. Like, let's not get hitched because it doesn't work for anyone else. But that's all I can help thinking about. And even if we do last, what's the difference if we had some ceremony - so we can get more stuff we don't need? So, we have an excuse to take another trip (we take plenty)? So our family can say, "we saw it so it must be true love now." Meh, it all seems silly to us right now. And it also seems financially draining if it doesn't work out. Because either way, even if we don't ever get married - if we break up next year or 20 years from now, whether we exchange rings - it'll still be hard emotionally. It's the financial mess (for the wedding AND the divorce) that seems ugly, annoying and sometimes downright crazy.

One time not too long ago, after watching an episode of Thirtysomething where the perfect couple was struggling to connect, Dominic asked if we knew anyone in a healthy, happy long term relationship. I had to think for a while. And finally I said, "Your parents and both my grandparents."

There's always common law, right?

In this world where vacations go exactly how you planned them...

Where every day is sunshine and roses. Where there's no traffic and every taco costs 25 cents instead of $30. Where the hiking isn't muddy and Hearst Castle is always open - even on days when it's not supposed to be. Where there's no fog and no rain and no June Gloom. Where your massage dude doesn't speak, and where he certainly doesn't say things like, "Have you had a baby? Because your arm is soooo strong." Where the sushi in LA is just what you wanted. Where you don't get sick from the hotel air conditioner. Where pools and hot tubs can magically cheer anyone up, even if you were hysterically crying before. Where the second B in B&B should still stand for breakfast - not hard boiled eggs and hot water. Where you see old friends, and try to convince them to move to Seattle. Where you spend quality time with one another watching Thirtysomething. Where there are bonfires and smores and beer and lots and lots of other things going around. Where you really love that you can talk to your boyfriends friends like you've known them forever, but you've only just met. Where you go down windy roads for a bit too long. Where you almost hit cow and see the Goonies house. Where you buy a bathing suit from a designer named Barrie! Where you talk about babies and marriage and how many other couples do it right. Where you play blackgammon in the bathroom every morning and knit during long drives. Where the weather is amazing driving home and the windmills are a sight to see. And you try to remember to go back to Big Sur, Pismo Beach and Ashland. Where nothing is perfect, and it's probably the worst roadtrip you've ever had - but you had it together, and one day - like yesterday, we'll laugh and laugh about how ridiculous it all was. And that is okay.