I can make things out of things!

This blog will be short and totally not exciting or entertaining at all. It won't say silly or witty things either. It will simply say that I made my own tooth powder and deodorant today. I used simple ingredients and my new knitting friend showed me how, and even gave me the tools to do so. She also handed me a pamphlet that teaches me to make my own no-shampoo poo (because I don't shampoo my hair and if you have curly hair you shouldn't either - because it's evil and wrong and basically like putting satan in your mane). And really that's it. See, I told you. Totally not exciting or entertaining at all. But I just really wanted to get that out there.

I love you all, except for those I don't know. Because that would be weird.

In a land, far, far away from here...

There is only happiness, and unicorns and rainbows and hippies who are really, truly nice to each other. In some other world there is peace and harmony and people who can sing and play the piano with grace. In this land, there would be little kids who play and run and hold your hand. And somewhere, off in the distance, maybe in something like a mirage there's a great big apple tree. A tree so big that you can live in it and it would have a running toilet that would never get clogged. Where you can dream big dreams that magically come true when you wake up. Where money is no object, where people don't die and jobs don't disappear from the people you love. There will be a great, big pile of sand and buckets to build castles with. And once you build a castle, it will come to life. Inside, you will find all the people and things that you hold closest to your heart. And when they need to leave you, they will write to you with real long letters like you like. They might even draw on said letters, little cartoons that will make you laugh out loud to yourself. You will have an endless supply of cereal and you will get to milk your own cows because that's kinda cool. You will also have a black bean tree because everyone wants something like that. In this amazing place everything will be right and true, and you will nap on one of those beds where you can jump and the wine doesn't tip over. There will always be enough blankets and books and yarn and crayons. And most of all, there will be you.

Chapped

Well, it's finally happened. I knew one day it would. It was inevitable. And after years of trying and trying and still getting nowhere, like a plate of pasta, I finally saw an end in sight.

I finished my chapstick.

It seems like a lot of girls have a chapstick problem. I don't buy chapstick anymore because I keep getting them for free. Seriously. I have about 50 chapsticks around the house. There are two in every jacket I own. And I can never get rid of them. Sometimes I even leave them places and then I seem to replace it with another free chapstick. The insanity doesn't want to stop. The cycle just keeps going.

Until this weekend. I had a Burt's Bees chapstick that I loved but it was time to let go. I purposely used it every morning before working out. Since it's cold outside I didn't find a problem doing this. And slowly but surely, I noticed it diminishing to its core. Then there was no more.

And I was at peace.

Well, it finally happened.

For the squeamish type, do not read:

This morning, I had my normal ritual of going to the potty while checking up on emails and blogs before heading to the gym. I'm the kind of gross person who looks at the prize I left behind, to make sure no worms or other weirdness is floating around. Whatever, you do it too. So I do my normal peek and I noticed something strange. Something blue. Yep, it was my ear plug. And no, I didn't poop it out. It must have gotten stuck in my hair or inside my pajamas and when I sat down on the toilet it probably just fell in. I looked at my blue ear plug for a second, thinking that another one just bit the dust. Usually they find themselves behind my bed, never to be seen again, until I move or my remote falls down. But I guess if you're a blue ear plug and you're gonna die, taking a dive into my morning poop is surely the most interesting way to go.