thanks

Thank you to all my friends, co-workers and mom who bought me drinks, called, texted, imed or emailed just to make sure I'm doing okay. It's nice to know I have people in my life that care about my well-being.

Right now, I'm actually in Boston for some geekfest. I'm totally serious too. There are about 500 dorky dudes, downstairs as I type this, eating breakfast and talking about which ActionScript seminar they're going to attend, while another 500 guys are still in their hotel rooms jerking off to Flash.

I, of course, don't understand any of this.

But on the flight here, Dominic and I watched The Karate Kid. This movie is probably the best thing I've reseen in awhile. It's timeless and funny and heartwarming and empowering and well, just fucking awesome.

It was exactly what I needed to keep my spirits up. I had my good cry the day it all went down and probably ruined one of Dominic's shirts with the amount of snot that came pouring out of my nose, but today is a new day! I will look for a job. I will get my webite together. I will call my headhunter. I will hobnob at this geekfest a little. And I will listen to "You're the best (around)!" from The Karate Kid every morning to keep me motivated and strong.

Yes, that's right foks, I actually have that song on my ipod.

A change in plans...

I was gonna have this hysterical report on our day at the Puyallup Fair, going to a Motel party before the motel itself got demolished and how I almost ate a worm - practically putting an end to my apple addiction.

But instead I got laid off today, so it kinda put a damper on everything funny.

More details once I get to Boston (yes, they're still paying for that strangely enough).

I'm off to drink.

I'm going for the Coke and AK 47s!

That's right folks. I'm going to fucking Colombia!

When I told my mom, she didn't seem to pleased saying how it's such a horrible country. Funny, I never knew she went there? That's right, she hasn't. I guess it's no fault of her own and she's just making sure I'll be safe. So to reassure her and everyone else who thinks I'm crazy I grabbed some facts about Colombia off of Wikipedia:

-The city of Bogota has a lower murder rate than Washington, D.C., Caracas, Sao Paulo, Mexico City, Panama City, and Rio de Janeiro. (I think this means I might not die)
-Colombia is one of the largest producers of pop-up books in the world. (This is real reason I'm going. I'm getting me some motherfucking pop-up books)
-The Happy Planet Index rates Colombia as #2 for people who are generally happy with their life. (The US is #150)

Then I found a bunch of stuff about the coca plant and how I guess a lot of it is there or whatever. There's talk of destroying the crops every year, but it doesn't matter to me. I won't be going near them anyway. I don't like putting things in my nose, thank you very much.

And that's that. I want to thank Mr. Anonymous who kindly pointed out that I can't right (write). Yes, I understand I spelled write wrong in my last post. And I hope Mr. Anonymous is some perfect person that never spells anything wrong in all his life. In fact, I bet he is. I'll also bet he takes it up the ass without lube.

Add it to the list...

I always want to do things. Dominic teases me regulary saying, "Add it to the list!" Like I want to go to this restuarant, or I read about some event in DailyCandy and I want to see what it's about. I get so excited about hiking a new hill or discovering a new part of Seattle, I feel like a child sometimes.

Well, now I need your help.

I'm going to Boston next week, and I have more time there than I did a few weeks ago. And I want to see shit. I've been there before and have already done every fucking touristy thing you could do (Cheers. Check. Freedom Trail. Check. Downtown. Check. Theater District. Check. Cool, random cemetaries in the middle of downtown. Check.) What I need to do is the shit that isn't in the tour guides. The random crap that's fun.

Like I see these poor bastard tourists in Pike Place with their maps and they all are saying the same shit about how their next stop is to the Space Needle. What about the free shows at Easy Street? What about getting a cup of coffee at a real coffee place and not that Starbucks shit. What about playing frisbee in one of our many parks. What about friggin' Mount Ranier! Or a day trip to the hot springs!

I wanna know stuff like that. In Boston. Pronto.

I actually was thinking for the longest time that someone should right a book about shit like that. A guide book for people like me that don't want to see The Space Needle and rather know about The Art Walk instead. Maybe I'll do that right now. Maybe I will!

Black and White: The real issue

I'm having a pretty big dilemna in Seattle folks. It's grounds for leaving. I'm pretty bummed. And the reason is actually not ridulous at all...

I can't find a black and white cookie to save my life!

I've been to every bakery. Every supermarket. Every Jewish deli (oh wait, there are none here). And I've learned that the people of Seattle just don't know what this awesome cookie is. It's pretty sad when you think about it. They don't know what they're missing!

It's probably the best fucking cookie in the entire world. And it's so messy and delicious too. And big! It's easily splitable, if you can even handle spliting it because it's so awesome you won't care about carbs or calories or sugar intake. It's like this huge fuck off sugar cookie, but even mushier. And half is dipped in white goodness. And the other half is dipped in black goodness. Thus the cookie of my dreams.

Seriously Seattle. What's up with you and your lack of fucking ridiculously good cookies?

When I go back to Boston for the second time this month (work related) I'm gonna find me my precious cookie and eat it right up. Cause as the supermarket clerk told me yesterday when I asked him wherever will I find this special little treat, he said, "The East Coast"

Damn you East Coast and your knowledge for all that is good in the world. That's one point for you guys.

Superbad is right.

So upon everyone's good praises I saw Superbad. Somehow I always end up seeing these comedies like Borat and Knocked Up way past their prime, and thus end up hating them.

Same with Superbad.

Everyone, even people I trust with movies, told me this was a good movie. Now I have to hate everyone because they don't know what's good if it was shoved up their ass with nice, warming lube.

I might have chuckled once, and that was to a scene that I already saw thanks to youtube. It had the same appeal as American Pie, but with less charm. The whole movie seemed like one big joke said over and over again.

Sure you can't expect much from a teen comedy, but I smelled every joke, every cliche scene, every puke a mile away. Maybe I'm too critical, or maybe I'm just the minority who knows what a good comedy is.

A good comedy should not be over 2 hours. This definitely was over the limit, as my ass was totally numb when I finally rushed out of the theater. I couldn't even make it past the credits, which I usually stick around for. I could've cared less about drawings of penises at the end, because I was so tired. Stop making long movies people. Just stop.

A good comedy should make people laugh. Even if it's the most cliched topic in the world, certain things can be switched around so that they are funny. Take Woody Allen in Annie Hall. Inheriently a classic comedy. And a total cliche about relationships. Except he made it funny, with something called wit and humor.

A good comedy should be memorable. I still laugh just thinking about Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. There's a line in Best in Show that Parker Posey says that no matter how much I've seen it makes me piss myself. And while The 40 Year Old Virgin was just okay, there's one of the greatest comedic outtakes that I've repeated in the office and made my former boss spit out his drink, the line was so damn crude/funny. I can't remember a moment like this in Superbad.

So obviously I give this movie a firm D. If it was on USA, I'd probably watch it again but then it would just be shittier because they'd take out the only good joke in the movie. Harmph.

Don't waste your money. See King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters instead. Now, that's a quality, funny, winner takes all, true to life kinda flick that everyone should enjoy.

Or at least I did.

colombia anxiety?

So I guess I'm buying a ticket home for the holidays soon. And because I have to do this probably within the week to assure low rates, I also have to decide if I'm going to Colombia (Bogota to be exact), because it's way cheaper to go from Miami than from Seattle.

I always get this anxious feeling when deciding on ticket purchasing. Is this the best flight? Is this the best day to go? Is this the best price? Will work decide that I have to work that week? Will I die in this foreign country? Will dogs mistake my organic deordant for coke and keep me in some weird prison till my death?

Has anyone out there been to Colombia? I always here from Americans that it's scary. Don't go. Are you crazy, they'll sell you for crack! But then I have my friend telling me it's so safe and that as long as I stick with her I'll be fine (she's from there). I get this feeling it's like Israel. My parents hated the idea of me going there - to this foreign country that's constantly in war. But you know, when I was there I never felt safer. Even when our schedule had to change due to bombs, I still never once thought I was in danger.

I'll have to take all these into consideration within the next few days, cause come Friday I'm either going to Bogota or I'm not.

I finally did it!

Since the beginning of email's existence I always had about 200 emails unread and 1,000 bulk mail. No matter how much I read during the day, even if I dedicated a whole day to reading emails, I couldn't get them down to a reasonable number.

Until now.

I deleted all the Adcritic's I never read.

I unsubscribed to shit I don't even remember subscribing to, like ClubMom and CheapFlights and American Airlines travel updates. I never read them, so why do I get things from them every damn day? Well, I don't anymore bitches.

I'm free of this mess.

I'm free at last.

I'm free.

I got lucky.

I know I should talk about Maya and Steve's wedding, because it was awesome and beautiful and holy shit man everything just went together perfectly but instead I'll talk about my plane ride.

Right before I left yesterday, Maya was rushing to get me to the airport on time. This was a feat in of itself because we hit traffic and I guess neither of us realized it would take almost 2 hours to get there. Luckily, I made it and off I went onto my first of two planes...

I got really lucky with my seats. I noticed a guy across from me had a whole row to himself, so I asked to sit on the other end of him. This way we both have room, the row I was supposed to sit in has more room and everyone is happy.

Off to the next plane.

This one was 6 hours long and I wasn't looking forward to it. They were only offering shitty saltless pretzels and Pirates of the Carribean 3, which I didn't even know came out in the theaters. I looked to my right though and noticed no one sitting next to me. So right as we took off I set up my sleeping position. No one asked to sit in my row so why not. The guy across from me kept saying how lucky I was but never asked to sit in my row. He just glared at me. I could also smell others jealousy and yet they never asked to sit in my row. There were people sitting next to crying kids and nothing. Just cold, evil stares.

So I'm not sure if people think it's impolite to ask for what they want in life, but I'm not one of those people. Thus, I slept and had a great ride while others kept their mouths shut and glared at me with hatred.