Step 1: WRITE IT DOWN STUPID

Step 1 in dealing with your money and actually understanding it and realizing it's value is kinda a crazy OCD monontous step, but it's really handy. All you have to do is keep track, starting right now, of every single penny you spend. Steal a notepad from work and write down the following:

Today's Date: December 3
The item you spent money on: Rent/Latte/Card for Mom
The category: Living expense/Everyday expense/Gift
How much it cost: $1650/$4.00 (including tip)/$3.25

Now do that every single fucking day. Seriously. Did you just give a bum a buck? Write it down. Did you lend a friend some lunch money. WRITE IT DOWN. I don't care that it's holiday season. Every month there's an excuse to spend money. So don't consider December any different than March. Just WRITE IT ALL DOWN.

When you're done writing everything down from December 3rd to January 3rd, you can move on to step 2.

When I did this, about 2 years ago, not only did it help me realize where my money goes (no where at the moment - cause personally I just don't spend a lot on actual things or lattes) but when I did spend money I was constantly reminded that I would have to write it down. Sometimes that actually stopped me from buying that thing, because writing it down meant it was affecting everything for that month. So, in theory, for now because most people can't remember where their keys are let alone to write down what they pay for - I'm just suggesting a month. Keep that stolen notepad with you wherever you go. Because if you want a retirement, if you want to have that fancy house, if you want your kids to go to college or if you simple want to go on vacation that isn't to your parents house - then for the love of every penny in the world - WRITE DOWN WHAT YOU SPEND.

Why aren’t you people doing anything?

I have A LOT of friends and family that complain or hope that one day their money issues will just disappear. I wish they knew there’s such an easy way to figure things out. I wish they would let me help them. I would. I wouldn’t even ask for anything. Okay, maybe if they really wanted to get me something I’d show them my amazon wishlist (the only things I ever want as gifts are things from this list, otherwise I never use your gift and you’ve just wasted $15 at Target – you all have been warned). But really I just want every one in my life to feel a lot less worried and a lot more secured.

Today, I asked my mom if she knew how much she spends a month. She told me a number and then I asked if she could break it down. The second she said she spends $100 a week on her twinkies, steaks and milk I knew something was wrong. She wasn’t really keeping track, every single day, of what she was spending. She was estimating. It’s okay. We all do it. Heck, some of us don’t even estimate. Some of us just blindly go through life spending money on shoes and cars and yogurt and just know that we have a wad of cash on the other side.

I want to shake you people! I especially want to shake the people who complain. And then I want to shake, slap and hurt the people that tell me all too often, “I really need to do this 401k/IRA/savings thing – I keep meaning to, but then I take a nap instead.”

WHAT THE FUCK?!

Dudes, you can friggin’ do this. I’m not saying you’re going to magically get rich tonight by saving and putting your money in the right accounts. But you’ll be getting there. You’ll realize you don’t need all that cash in your checking account. It’s just sitting there doing nothing for you. You’ll realize you could be getting money for doing NOTHING AT ALL. And all it takes is some man power. Those hours you spend at work fucking bored to tears? Open a friggin’ ING account instead. That night you watched something totally useless on TV? You could’ve organized your accounts so you never have to wonder where you put that information again. It takes time, but it’s so worth it.

So if you want my help, I will help you. I’m offering free (or gifted :-) services to you folks. I’m giving you my valuable friggin’ time. Why? Because I’ve heard ALL the excuses and frankly I’m sick of them. I want people to stop telling me they can’t do this or that. If they need me to do it for them just so I can stop listening to them talk about “should’ve/would’ve/could’ve” then please for the love of god, email me, call me – I will help you with this.

$$Money$$

I've officially gone overboard and spent a lot of money this month. Let's recap.

-$380 on a flight to Belize for January.
-$170 on 2 pairs of jeans.
-$140 on Dominic's birthday.
-$92 on Hunter Wellie rain boots.
-$18 on a tank top at American Apparel that I had to get once I realized I forgot to bring one in my clothes bag for work.
-$4 on a hot chocolate yesterday.
-$10 on lunch last week during a Florida/Georgia game with a fellow UF fan.

And November just started folks! I still have:

-A solo vacay next week to Portland (estimated total cost $200)
-Present for Mom. (not telling)
-Next week's Dinner Club ($30)
-Drinks with Aubrey to celebrate her new job! ($20)

I actually decided not to go to a spa (GASP!) with a bunch of girlfriends, because I knew it would be a $200 kinda day and well, I think I've done enough damage this month.

Someone else makes me clean.

After looking at my finances, and realizing I spend the majority of my paycheck on groceries (so far this month, $200!! on groceries/local farm deliver service!!) and after paying an additional $450 a month toward the next student loan and adding to my IRA and building up my emergency account and my "dream" account every month, I still have money for things.

So I decided to get a cleaning lady.

I should note that I'm a pretty clean person. I'm not a fan of clutter at all. I always do my dishes and make my bed and throw out mail and make sure the place smells like incense or good foods, but have noticed that I just don't have the time to dust or scrub the toilet anymore. I don't actually mind doing these things. You might even call me weird when I say I enjoy doing these things. As a kid, I vividly remember sleeping over my friend's house whose Mom was so messy that I would decide we should play "Maid Game" and clean up their entire apartment. It was a great time for me, but a huge disappointment when I'd come back for the next sleepover only to discover everything was put back in its messy place.

So when I found an honest lady who could clean my place for $30 once a month, I felt that this wasn't putting a huge dent in my checking account. I decided that my time could be put to better use, than say mopping. Even though I normally like this kind of task, I also would like to have more time to knit or look for unicorns or have sex.

And this morning, when I came home to a shiny floor and a spotless refrigerator I knew that my money was well spent.

Invest this bitches!

I don’t understand people. Since I’ve gotten on this investing/saving kick, I’ve talked to others who want to do the same but don’t know what to do. I keep suggesting read up. Get as many books as possible. Find one that you can read and understand. And they all give me the strangest looks. “Like, read? What is that? Something you do on the internet, right? Reading is so boring. If it’s in some weird form of pages, then it’s not for me.”

What has this fucking world come to? And why are people being so dumb? To me, personally, (that’s probably a very redundant phrase but I use it just like you use the word literally, so there!) if you’re gonna put the time into giving your money to a company to hold for like 40 years, you better read up. What’s the point in all this investing if you don’t know a thing about it? Are you doing this because your mommy told you so? And if you are, then are you 5 years old? Okay then, that makes sense.

So stick your head out of your asses people, and do some research. Reading a book or two will definitely benefit you way more than those countless hours you waste watching Deal or No Deal.

God, I hate that show.

$10,642.70

I PAID OFF A STUDENT LOAN TODAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maxed In

About a month ago, I marched into Charles Schwab and asked, “So how do I give you money so I can make more money?” And I got a shocking response.

The woman, in her fancy suit and smelly perfume, basically told me she doesn’t want to take my money just yet. Even though I already have a 401k and a CD and a savings account and a little chunk to put somewhere else, she wants me to learn more about mutual funds, annuties and bonds before I just hand them my money and say good day.

I thought this was the most honest answer I’ve gotten in awhile. From a corporation. That deals with money.

So yesterday, I rented Maxed Out. A documentary of sorts about how fucked up America’s financial status is at. How everyone, including our government is borrowing money to pay off loans. How ridiculous right? This movie was amazing (minus the crazy font they used) and I might even watch it again before it’s due back at Blockbuster.

I know I’ve been going on a decent path money wise. I obtained too much debt in my college years ($12,000 on a credit card and about $65,000 in student loans) but miraculously because of my cheapness and lack of desire to shop for trendy clothes, I’ve been paying it all off at a crazy time span. The credit card debt is long gone and in a month I’ll be able to pay off ONE out of the three student loans I have.

Did I mention I still don’t have a full time job? And I can still take amazing vacations every year? And mommy and daddy don’t help me.

It’s called saving up, not spending money on books and lattes and paying more than the minimum.

The best advice my mom gave me way back when was to pay more than the minimum. I did this from day one. Ten fold. And it’s been working ever since.

Now I pay off my smallest loan with more money and then work my way up. All of this paying things off just makes perfect sense to me. Who wants to pay interest on a cup of coffee? On a trip? On a shirt? On years of education? Not me. And yet, 30 million people+ are in debt and file bankruptcy. IN AMERICA ALONE.

Why? Because we are amongst the greediest motherfuckers alive today. We live in a world where Paris Hilton gets fame just because she’s rich. We are bombarded by Real Housewives on Bravo and The Hills, where spoiled kids cry over being spoiled.

And too many people want to be just like them.

That’s not to say there aren’t a lot of tragedies too. I don’t know what would happen if I suddenly got sick. As it seems, when you get really sick, health insurance seems to vanish like a magic trick. Or if freelance dried up. Or if I never get a full time job. Or if something happened to my family.

There were a lot of these sad stories in Maxed Out that it freaked me out a bit.

I got so mad when they told a story of a young college student who racked up so much debt that it literally took over his life. It breaks my heart that even after he killed himself, those fucking credit card companies kept mailing him letters saying they can give him even more credit with a low, low interest rate.

A week ago I took the Charles Schwab chick’s advice again, and got a book from my library called Financial Planning for the Utterly Confused. It seemed perfect for someone like me because, well, I’m crazy confused about all this stuff. I also got The Bell Jar and started reading that instead, telling myself I’ll read that money book later. One day. When I have time.

Well, it only took a week, and this movie, for me to actually pick up that silly money book and decide this will be my morning/afternoon bus read.

And I actually started reading it today. And hopefully I’ll keep reading it tomorrow. And the day after that. Until I understand it. So I can go back to Charles Schwab and be confident about where my money should go and what I want it to do for me. So that hopefully, I’ll never ever be Maxed Out again.

God willing.

MR. TURBO TAX MAN!!!!!

I'm pretty pissed off at Turbo Tax. The only reason I'm using them instead of Tax Cut, whom I normally use is because they supposedly work with Quicken, the program I use to keep my deductions in check.

But of course, I don't see an import button. Then I did see an import button but it wouldn't work. Then I called the Turbo Tax customer service and he couldn't figure out the problem either.

Actually I'm on hold (for the 20th time in an hour) right fucking now.

It's a good thing I'm at a coffee shop, cause I would most likely be screaming and crying at this point. Dominic left an hour ago, I think. I honestly just get in a fog when I'm on the phone with these people. I'm just happy the guy I'm talking to is human and speaks perfect English.

I know this is the price I pay for not spending $300 (or more) on an actual tax guy. To me, that's fine. I'm wicked cheap. And I kinda like having control of these things. Sure, they know everything about deductions, but supposedly so does Turbo Tax.

It's gotten to the point where he is giving me everything for free. I'm currently getting the downloaded version of TurboTax and the online version for nothing (a $50 value I think).

Which is great, because that's probably how much extra my phone bill will be.

UPDATE: You can not import Quicken into Turbo Tax if you have a Mac.

$

Last Wednesday I decided that I wouldn't spend any money until this Wednesday.

This is HARD.

I don't normally spend money really. I make my own lunch at home (and work when I have a job). I rarely ever eat out. I rarely ever shop for clothes. And I rarely ever buy little things like coffee or nail polish.

But still for some reason, not spending anything on anything seemed a little difficult on some days.

Like when we went on a hike and then our friend wanted to go to Georgetown for lunch. Normally, I even bring my lunch on these hikes but I was at Dominic's house where there's nothing but cereal and water. So I was moneyless and hungry.

But Dominic was nice enough to buy my lunch.

And then there was Trivia Night with friends, to which I accidentally had 2 glasses of wine. Once again, I looked at Dominic, like please. Just this once. He gladly did. Because he's nice like that. And we're pretty fair when it comes to who takes who out.

I think I'll take him to see Persepolis this week.

So, if it wasn't for those 2 hiccups I would've been fine. Luckily, the boyfriend came to the rescue and I didn't spend a dime (except for necessary groceries and needed bus rides).

Now, I'm off to buy pictures from my trip to Bogota and beyond!