Bigger and better.

It was this big.
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

Okay,

I probably won't be blogging as much as I use to. The reason. My job has improved. Job A was nice and all, but Job B is better in many ways. Because this is a blog, and because Leo has informed me not once, but probably 10 times that blogging about work is a big no no, I shall do my own version of what I like about Job B without getting my ass fired (hopefully).

Ways Job B is better than Job A:
1. My office. It is just soooo big.
2. The bathrooms. Much bigger and they have those cool soap motion devices, so we're not all using our dirty little hands to push on a soap dispenser that might only sometimes dispell pink goo. Good move Job B! Way to keep us all clean.
3. Bigger projects. YAY!
4. Bigger parking lots. (see ya later wind-burning tunnels in the winter)
5. Bigger and better variety of restaurants in my new area. Good-bye Thai Smile, hello world!
6. Brighter walls. THANK GOD!

Okay, that's it. All in all me happy.

Tomorrow will be an interesting night. I will be attending, what party goers call a "Bling Party". Where average ad geeks dress up in their most ghetto fabulous selves. I will be wearing the best outfit ever (Mark, you should really see this. It's gonna be awesome and most likely very embarrasing). Imagine one of those 70's tube top and shorts connected numbers, but terrycloth and with high highs! All Maya and I need to buy are some fabulous gold accesories, that we'll most likely get at Meijer's, because not only does Meijer's carry guns, tropical fish and produce, but I bet you anything there's a ghetto aisle just waiting for us to googly-eye over. Maya will most likely take pictures of the event and then I will steal those pictures and post them here for all to see.

I'm out yo.

All you need is a feather to have fun these days.

Go Falcons!
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

Went feather bowling 2 nights ago, and let me tell you something- it's totally awesome! Good thing we had Matt explain the game to us, because we all showed up without a clue of what to do. Honestly, I'm still not sure how the scoring goes. All I know is that I can throw a mean curve ball and block the shit out of shit. Of course, having a few beers and some wine that tasted more like raspberry juice helped the evening. Here's some highlights (the ones I can remember at least):

Go blood falcons! (Matt and I would then growl at eachother whilst meeting our claw shaped hands as a form of highfiving)

2, 4, 6, 8 who do we appreciate? Golden Shower! Golden Shower! Yay Golden Shower!

Wait, you're on my team?

Mmmm muscles.

Nicole and Leo are the horniest people ever! (no comments please)

Jesus, dude just elope. (and that goes for everyone!)


All right, back to work fools.

Addictions and other crap I saw today.

Ahh, beer.
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

First off, I must share the oddest thing I saw at 7 am today.

A priest, smoking a pipe looking like a bad motherfucker looked straight at me like, "What, bitch?", as I was in my car jamming to Sly and Family Stone's song "Thank You". I felt like I was in a movie, I swear.

Okay, now back to the weekend.

Friday: Saw a late showing of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory in Ann Arbor. I'm a little conflicted, but as of today I stand by the original. Sorry Tim Burton, I know you're a genius and all, and going by the book is usually better, but I like me some sing-a-longs.

Saturday: What a whirlwind! Woke up and headed straight for Flimflam (Man, those spinach and feta omlettes are the best ever!). Then proceeded to go to the infamous Ann Arbor Art Fair (or fart air, as Steve would like it called). Maya couldn't go because of some party, so it was just the roomie and myself once again. We really need to get him the "He's not my boyfriend. Please hit on her." t-shirt. It was such a nice day, and we decided what better way to enjoy it than to spike our smoothies with airplane shots. Thus, the adventure began. We asked some frat guy where the nearest liquor store was and even the frattie was impressed by our actions and followed our lead. After our purchases we arrived at the Smoothie stand, where they were making us pay 5 whole bucks for a small plastic cup of papaya, strawberry and banana goodness. Then, realizing that they might lose a sale, the 14 year old behind the counter told us we can get free refills if we bring back our cup. DEAL! We tossed our watermelon flavored vodkas in our smoothie and tossed them back before we could even cross the street. There's way more to this story that involved a slight altercation with the owner of said smoothie stand and a security chick at the Student Union where we spiked our drinks, but it's too long to tell and I probably have work to do.

Then it was off to the pool for what was suppose to be 30 minutes, and turned into 2 hours.

Then we hit the beer festival in a town I still can't pronounce (Yipslilante? Yipsilante? Yippy? Oh, fuck it!). Realized Steve's hot friend has a different girl around his arm every time I see him. Told Steve I wouldn't want to be the next flavor (not that I had the opportunity), but he's still hot nonetheless.

Next up a random party, where I ate free food and drank more beer.

Then to home we went, where we (including Maya, yay!) watched The Meaning of Life. It's weird that it wasn't as funny as I remembered. I think that movie depends on your state of mind, time of day, how tired you are, who you're with and what you've done that day, because I just wasn't that into it. Oh well.

Sunday: Was pretty boring, so I'll stop now.

Oh, wait- no I won't because:

Today: Feather bowling commences at 8:30. Details to come.

Peace.

Especially my mother.

Every Jew has one.
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

I'm sure you have a mother like mine, and if she's jewish and was born in the bronx then our moms are probably twins. That being said, my mommy can be really nosey. Take yesterday's blog for instance. I could've (and most likely) made up the beginning bit that my Plan A blog was suppose to be the best ever, but under certain circumstances I diverted to Plan B blog. Maya knows the drill, and was funny about the situation. Yet, my mother uses all CAPS and demands to know what I was going to write. She does this a lot lately, especially now that I write in this blog. If I write something about my ex-boyfriend, who do you think calls me up that night to talk about why I wrote about him. If I write about peeing, my mom calls me up to ask if it was light yellow or clear. Okay, not really, but I wouldn't put it past her.

The weird thing is I'm exactly like her. I need to know everything- all the time. If you stress that you don't want to talk about that problem with your boyfriend/viral infection/the wart that just won't go away, I'll most likely drop it, but then maybe a month will go by and I'll ask again just because I HAVE TO KNOW EVERYTHING!! It's terribly sad and pathetic, but it's true. Honestly, I think it's like an addiction. And my mother and I need help. If you know of an anonymous place that my mommy and I can attend, please let us know. I'll go through the appropriate steps and if an intervention is necessary, then so be it. But this must stop before it's too late! Or at least before I have kids and start getting all up in their business.

Don't blame me.

This will have to do.
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

This would have been the funniest/sickest blog ever, but I promised someone I wouldn't write about the weirdest incident in history of incidents knowing that THE WORLD or in my case 5 people will be reading this later.

So, with that said, it's plan B, which won't be funny at all. And honestly, you probably should stop reading this now and forever, because nothing would have compared to what I was going to write. But if you want to keep reading, I won't stop you. But really, you're missing out. For real.

Plan B blog goes a little something like this:

There hasn't been anything to watch on TV except crap reality tv. And usually that would make me the happiest person ever, but the reality that is tv during the summer is taking a nosedive into some black hole of crap.

Let's examine The Cut, because it's the one I've seen more than once and honestly I almost shot myself the second time around.

1. Tommy's daughter's show on MTV was way better. Or at least more entertaining because she was a little rich girl who made Paris Hilton seem like a hillbilly.

2. Tommy's catchphrase is "You're out of Style. Please leave the runway." WHAT THE FUCK!! I mean I know ever since da Trump's "You're fired" or Probst "The tribe has spoken" or even that lame fuck on Fear Factor who says, "Obviously fear isn't a factor for you." everyone needs a fucking catchphrase, but this one is just completely ridiculous! Wouldn't the more obvious slaying phrase be, "You're cut!" considering the show itself is called The Cut. Fucking writers!!

3. Okay, there really isn't a 3. The show fucking blows. Everything about it. No one should watch it, including me. I'm praying for Project Runway to come back on and save me from this reality crap I must endure!

As for other crap reality shows that I only watched 15 minutes of and then immediately found myself in the bathroom puking my brains out:

1. Brat Camp
2. That Hilton crap show.
3. Rock Star: INXS
4. The 70's House on MTV.
5. Hell's Kitchen

Okay, I've come back to this blog about 15 times. I think I'm finally done.

Word.

The end.

Advertising people are weird.

Haha. You're dead!
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

And here's proof.

My friend Carl changed his cell phone number, because he lives in Miami now and apparently when you move there you immediately become cool, especially when you work at the best ad agency in the world/universe/solar system/you get my point here. Anyway, he emails about 25 of us to inform of this cell phone number change about 4 days ago, and then yesterday the hilarity ensued. I'd like to point out that I started the reply all extravaganza and all its annoyances it probably caused for the other 20 people who didn't care.

I wrote:
where should we bury the old one?

Then Carl's finance wrote:
let's have a moment of silence for the 770 number.
it was one good number. :)

To which Nik wrote:
I remember this one time me and the 770 number were really drunk and it
turned to me and said, "This is Carl Corbitt, please leave a message, mmm
bye."

Man, I laughed like hell.

So it goes.

Then Carl got in the game:
Within the next week, there will be a 20 ringtone salute and my new
phone will play an mp3 of amazing grace as the 770 number is
disconnected from life support and its spirit released back into the
wild.


In lieu of flower please donate your old cell phones to
http://www.wirelessrecycling.com/home/donations/index.html

(side note: this is when I almost pissed myself. carl's learning a thing or two at that crispin porter.)

And then Justin decided to join the conversation:

It also thought Carl and I got into 1show. Stupid number.

(side note2: 1show/one show is like the academy awards for ad people)

Then I wanted to add one more thing, to which I replied all and said:
Okay, I'll be sitting shiva at my place.

Services will be held in Gwinnett at his folks residence, where it all started.

Om,
B

Then the only other Jew at Portfolio Center wrote:
well if you makes all you of feel any better, IT WAS A STUPID FUCKING NUMBER!!!! And I hated it's stupid little number face!!!!!

with love
zorn

Then Nik came back for seconds:
Zorn, holy shit, man.
You must be really broken up about this. I've never seen so many typos in
one sentence..."well if you makes all you of feel any better."

I guess now that you're a west coast guy, you're just too laid back for
proper syntax.

Zorn had to correct himself by saying:
fuck- you're right man. This whole cell phone thing has me torn to pieces. Oh that and my old partner is now at crispen. But fuck it, im west coast now, i dont work hard anymore.

And then, finally a non ad type replies all and thus the end of this reply all debate (or so we all may think).

You advertising people are weird. Go fuck yourselves. Oh, and don't
forget Saucebox Finery for all of your screenprinted promotional items.
Saucebox Finery: Customized = Recognized, bitches.

I love the fact that he advertised his business. I know it was a joke, but it was a nice joke indeed.

And now in other news, I have to work.

Peace out bitches.

Sooooo sleeeeeeeepy.

Stop glowing damnit!
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

I'm not sure if I had too much fun in Atlanta, but for some reason I've been super tired ever since I came back. Let's see the evidence, shall we?

Exhibit A: I took a 2 hour nap after work. I had to force myself to wake up knowing that if I napped any longer I might not be able to fall back to sleep. Boy, was I wrong.

Exhibit B: It took everything to chase the prettiest sunset around a middle school with Steve. (Side note: Maya, you would've laughed at me when I thought the reflection off a sign looked pretty, and then said reflection turned green. D'oh.)

Exhibit C: I couldn't keep my eyes open past 9:45. Finally passed out at 10.

Exhibit D: Alarm woke me up this morning at 6:30, then realized I'll be parking it up with Nicole after work and reset alarm for 7:45.

Exhibit E: Finally woke up and looked in mirror. The bags under my eyes were bigger than Nell Carter's boobies. Not good.

So, there you have it. Case closed. I am officially exhausted.

In news Seth might enjoy: I read that there will be some Oceanic mock commercial coming out as a teaser for Lost. I CAN'T WAIT!!

Okay, I think I might have to work soon. It's always weird the first week. I don't know them. They don't know me. Where do we all begin? Hopefully soon. I hate doing absolutely nothing. Okay, that’s sorta a lie. I just don’t like staring at the Internet all day long.

Peace.

Atlanta and first day jitters.

Don't drink and ride on planes.
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

So, I'm back!

Here's how the week went down.

1. Visited friends.
2. Got a cut and dyed hair at the Aveda Institute for only 44 bucks! And I love it dark.
3. Laid out (a little).
4. Almost had an anxiety attack in Ikea because that place is just way too fucking big. Came out buying nothing and was completely scared to ever go back in their again.
5. Went to Felini's, RuSan's, Bagel Palace and that Mexican place with the fish tacos (I always forget the name of that place, but it's damn tasty)
6. Also went to Leopard Lounge, Central City, Meehan's and Treehouse.
7. Drank approximately 10 beers, 4 saki bombs, countless glasses of wine and 7 somethings and vodkas.
8. Saw the ex boyfriend and settled the score. Got a little tipsy, laughed and hugged good-bye. Mother- no comments please.
9. Got the cutest skirt in Little 5 Points.
10. Overall, the trip was a success.

Only problem was that I stayed out too late on Saturday. Somehow one drink turned into okay, I'll have just one more. And suddenly I realized I had to wake up at 10 to get on a plane. I DO NOT ADVISE DOING THIS. I was so hungover on the plane that the only way to get through the trip without using that very handy puke bag was to pass the fuck out. Just imagine going on a rollercoater after tossing a few shots back. It's no good. Luckily, I didn't throw up and spent the rest of the day at home sitting my ass on the couch.

And now....

I'm at my new job. The first week is always a little wierd. I know a few people here, but not enough to go bother them just yet. Plus, now that I have a huge office I almost don't want to leave. Honestly, this office is bigger than my previous boss's office and she makes WAY more than I ever hope for. It's crazy insane. And it's also a little too corporate for me. I think I'll need Steve to move my tacky Goodwill chair one more time, to spice this place up a bit.

Okay, that's it. Nothing else to say. For reals.

And in other Jews...

Maya, look it's Steve!
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

For my people.

Jews Rock. No really, they do.

Crappy weekend leads to uncertainity.

Ready for take off?
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

The weekend started off nice, and then turned annoying, with me already losing a contact and then showing up to see a band play when quickly realizing the show was cancelled and I was all by my lonesome feeling, well, all by my lonesome. At least there's a hurricane to disrupt my plans of going to Atlanta to keep this wreckage that is my life going on and on. It's suppose to be horribly crappy everyday I'm there, and as of yesterday Hartsfield was apparently closed down. THIS FUCKING SUCKS!!! I'm praying for a miracle, or that my plane doesn't crash into the Coca-Cola factory because of some stupid tropical storm (Mom, I'm knocking on wood as I type this, I swear.)

In comedic news, there's finally an article on Mitch Hedberg in EW. Not sure what took those journies so long to write about the "Kurt Cobain of Comedy" but man, it just reminded me how fucking funny that bastard was. Of course I left the magazine in the car, so I might not get this down verbatim, but when his wife opened his journal after his death, one of the first passages in there was: Do you believe in Gosh?

Man, oh man.

On the job front- IT'S MY LAST DAY!!!!

No party. I'll be leaving quietly, more for the reason that I hate having to say goodbye to everyone when I know I'll be seeing these people again, just not everyday.

I did almost get a little sad leaving the studio though. Those people are sooo damn nice, and that was where I really spent most of my time, even if I was drunk for most of it. Just kidding (sort of).

As for yesterday, (man, this is turning into a long blog) I saw two movies I've been meaning to see. Airplane! and Rounders. Why haven't I seen these before?? Who knows, but I'm glad I finally got the chance. Both equally excellent movies in their own rite. I won't get into why they are so great, because I still have to pack my shit up and burn as many cds as possible before I sneak out of this joint.

Peace. See you boys and girls next week.

I can't see, but at least I look like a girl.

Contact this bitch!
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

I got contacts yesterday!!!! They hurt like fuck, and actually I don't think these prescriptions are right, but who cares when I don't need glasses anymore. I was actually over an hour late for work because I was trying to jam the little slippery suckers into my bloodshot eyes. I still have no idea if I can put myself through this much torture on a daily basis when it's so easy to just put on my crooked scratched glasses, but I'll try because I miss my normal non-glassy face. AND I get to wear my kickass 5 dollar sunglasses that I've been dying to wear since last year! Wohoo!!!!

In other news, it's my last day at the studio so in an hour they are taking me to get pizza and beer. Emphasis on the beer.

Peace.

A brief overview of the long ass weekend that went by too fast.

That's one fucked up ride.
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

Honestly, I know I won't be able to remember everything I've done in 4 1/2 days of haze and fun, but I will try.

Friday: Yay! Half-day! Took a power nap, and got ready for Tastefest. Saw G-love and Special Sauce. He wasn't as Saucy as I remember him being. Then went to see Electric Six, which of course was totally awesome. Ate food, drank drinks then headed for home.

Saturday: Went to the park. Because I knew the next few days were going to be a little crazy, I didn't want to do too much, hence I watched the cheesiest movie of the century- The Notebook. I swore to myself I'd never see such crap, but it was on Starz and I just needed mindless shit to watch while doing laundry (excuses, excuses). Here's Barries Notes on The Notebook:

Part 1: old dude reads a "story" to equally old chick about guy and girl fall in love. of course he's poor, she's rich. the first half hour consists of them kissing/me gagging.

Part 2: they break up/her mother doesn't give her the letters he wrote (every day for a year- gag!)/she then falls in love with some other dude, but you know this doesn't matter because...

Part 3: the first guy and girl see each other and get it on porn style, even though she's engaged (slut). she has to decide between the two. oh, the torture. i wonder who she's gonna pick. you guessed it right- the first dude wins. the end. but wait.....

Part 4: return to the last half hour of these old people saying how much they love each other even though the old bitch has dementia. they both die.

why do girls like this movie? am i not normal for not liking it? good, i never wanted to be normal.

Sunday: Lew's party. Was only planning on staying for a few hours. Then 7 hours later, I had to force myself to go home before it was too late. Left party realizing I left everything I came with there. Decide I'm in no way driving back. I'll wait till morning....

Monday: Woke up way too early to go on the neighbor's boat. Went back to Lew's to pick up my bathing suit. His house looked like Animal House (or maybe PCU). It was bad and sorta smelled. Bottles, and people everywhere. I slipped in and out without waking up a soul. Then headed for the Lake and had a kick ass time floating around with Maya, Steve and the Neighbors. I decide I need a boat. I also decide Carl needs to buy a sailboat, so we can take adventures- pirate adventures! Argh!!

Tuesday: Woke up early once again. TJ, Mike, Ward and I went to Cedar Point. It rained the whole way there, and we thought we were doomed for sure. Got lost a little in Ohio (don't get lost there). Finally arrived, and an hour later the clouds parted and the sun showed its pretty little self! Rides, walking, eating, rides, sitting, beer drinking, waiting on very short lines, more rides, oh and that scary thing on the right. It was insane. Everyone needs to go on that ride at least once in their sad little lives, or they just ain't livin'. Got home at 2 am! Realized going with three single guys to an amusement park means you have to hear them drool over 14 year olds girls wearing those shorter than daisy duke short shorts. You guys!

The end. Fun indeed. Now I just need to recoup. Maybe I'll leave early! Heck, I'm leaving in a week anyway.

Word.

Hello Hotlanta.

I lived there once.
Originally uploaded by barliss2.

Now that I just got myself a brand spankin' new job, and I have 5 days between the old job and new job, I'm actually able to travel with my own money and have some fun. I've been promising Caitlin I'd come and visit, so in two weeks I'll be back in good ol' Hotlanta! Plans are to get a tan and see friends I haven't seen in about a year. Oh, and to eat! I miss Ru San's! I miss Cafe Intermezzo! I miss Bagel Palace! I miss Felini's! Oh geez, I'm gonna get fat aren't I? Oh well, that's what Caitlin's gym is for. As for boys, well, that's where Jen comes in. Her taste in guys is definitely the exact opposite of what I'd ever like (I think she still refers to her guy friends as Chi Phis/boys that put too much gel in their hair and spike it up so even if a hurricane came through their hair is still ready for a night out in Buckhead), but I'm not asking to date anyone, so things should be fun.

Anyway, I emailed the ex to tell him I'd be in town and thought it would be nice to see him. Then I remembered why we broke up in the first place. It became such an issue, with 6 emails back and forth, that I just got sick of the whole situation. I'm like, dude, I just thought we could start over and be friends. I don't want to have sex with you or anything. Get over yourself. Ugh. I'd like to know who really remains friends with their ex. And I'm not talking about a guy/girl you dated for a few months. That totally doesn't count.

Well, that's it. Today is a half day, which means I get a 4 and 1/2 day weekend! I'm thinking Tastefest to see G. Love and Electric 6, mixed in with some walks at the park and end with a ride on the neighbors boat. Fun times will be had.

Happy July 4th! Don't blow off a hand.